Can I just say I'm the happiest I've ever been while living in Macedonia-
Things are going so well. I'm truly SO happy right now with everything I have going on. I'm so busy with work, but it all feels so rewarding. Just this week, I finished writing the grant for the dance studio. Having completed that (and mailing it in tomo) is just such an accomplishment. On the same note, dance classes are still going really well. I have so much fun dancing with my ladies!! All of my girls are doing so well. Some of them have picked up a lot of the basic moves, so when we do new songs, they have no problem!! It's also brining me a lot closer to some of the girls, which is a blessing, because I love them all. To be completely honest, those classes are now my favorite part about every week.
The big Patron's Day event is coming up on March 22nd. Initially, I was in charge of just doing the dancing bits, and then helping Emilija get the English speeches and stage design set up....now, however, none of the other teachers have been doing anything to help. Therefore, Emilija and I are kind of up a creek in that we need to pull up the slack and get more talent in there!! Ive been working with two great kids on making a hip-hop piece, and just today, we had another awesome kid decide to join the dance with his awesome breakdancing skills. I also have a group of girls Im going to work with on Saturday for the Intro dance to the show. It's all based off Zumba moves, and I think the girls would be really good!!
I made a new friend this week!! Actually, I made a couple, but one in particular really stood out, and I think we might become really close. I had the most amazing little day adventure and ended the night with another local friend eating endless amounts of good food, drinking good wine, and just enjoying everyone's company. I love that Im beginning to have local friends. It makes me feel like I really have a home here....ya know?? I'm already beginning to have weekly traditions come about, like new Sunday dinners and weekly tennis matches, once the weather gets warm again!! I'm also spending a lot more time with someone who is becoming like a sister to me, and she knows very well who she is. : D
Lately, every talk with my mother has been about all the good things that are happening and how completely fulfilled I feel right now. At the end of each week, Im thankful to have the time to rest, but Im thrilled about everything new in the upcoming week. I know that things may die down after a month or two (even thought I hope they dont), but it's remembering weeks like these that will inevitably remind me why I'm here. Right now, I feel like my possibilities are endless.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I bought a fish
That's right...I now own a pet. I bought a fish on Thursday, and I decided to name him Sunshine. I call everyone I like Sunshine....it's my favorite nickname...so why not name my new goldfish that?! Here he is:
He sleeps beside my bed. : )
I had an awesome weekend. I went out a lot and saw a bunch of people. I can officially say I'm quite happy right now. Tomorrow starts a new week, and I'm already excited for the dance classes, the somewhat warmer weather, and finally finishing my SPA grant application.
On a side note, a friend posted a link to a volunteer's blog from Ethiopia, and after reading it, I thought how I could completely relate to everything this volunteer had to say. Even though this person lives in a world much different than mine, it still seriously hit the nail on the head, and I encourage all of you to take out a hot minute and read it....I couldnt explain PC life better myself:
Ok...that's all I have. I hope you all are doing well. Send me emails, ya'll!!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Time to get dirty
Hey everyone, so guess who has water again?! THIS GIRL!! But let me just say....it wasnt easy.
People from the city had to actually come out to my apartment yesterday afternoon to fix the problem. Three men who spoke no English at all stood in my apartment, checking me out, looking at my stuff, and then talking about me in Macedonian, thinking I couldnt understand them. I decided to suck it up, because they were slowly fixing the water issue one step at a time. Sink- FIXED. Shower- FIXED. Washing machine- FIXED. Oh, but the toilet....nope, still not working. It required them to take apart some of the piping in the wall. I had some legit construction going on in there. Finally, they called me into the bathroom to show me part of the pipe they'd cut out. It had a solid chunk of black/brown matter stuck in it. Whatever it was had completely solidified, hence why I was getting no water.
As we are standing there assessing the problem, I realized the pipe sticking out of the wall was completely exposed and open. Suddenly, we were hit with a jet of water, much like what I'd imagine a fire hose would feel like, if struck by one. The force of the water slammed us into the walls and the door of my bathroom. Black and brown water flooded my bathroom and my hallway. The walls, floor, and quite frankly every single surface in the bathroom and the hallway was soaked in this black/brown gunky water. Unbelievable.
This morning, I woke up feeling really good about how clean my bathroom ended up becoming. I went to work, ready for the kids to participate in the National Spelling Bee qualifiers. Basically, in order for a kid to pass a qualifier, they must spell 10 English words correctly. So in each class, I had kids come up, one at a time, and try it out. The word list for the high school students is actually kind of tough!! I had SEVERAL kids who made it to their 8th or 9th word and then make a very small mistake and lose it all. I felt horrible for the kids who made it so close...I want to take them all with me to the Bee!! By the end of the day, I had two students successfully complete the challenge. I am hoping I will have more kids participate on Friday from different classes, although I'm not sure yet. I'm proud of all my students. I seriously had a lot of fun with all of them today!! Here are a few photos from the day : )
People from the city had to actually come out to my apartment yesterday afternoon to fix the problem. Three men who spoke no English at all stood in my apartment, checking me out, looking at my stuff, and then talking about me in Macedonian, thinking I couldnt understand them. I decided to suck it up, because they were slowly fixing the water issue one step at a time. Sink- FIXED. Shower- FIXED. Washing machine- FIXED. Oh, but the toilet....nope, still not working. It required them to take apart some of the piping in the wall. I had some legit construction going on in there. Finally, they called me into the bathroom to show me part of the pipe they'd cut out. It had a solid chunk of black/brown matter stuck in it. Whatever it was had completely solidified, hence why I was getting no water.
As we are standing there assessing the problem, I realized the pipe sticking out of the wall was completely exposed and open. Suddenly, we were hit with a jet of water, much like what I'd imagine a fire hose would feel like, if struck by one. The force of the water slammed us into the walls and the door of my bathroom. Black and brown water flooded my bathroom and my hallway. The walls, floor, and quite frankly every single surface in the bathroom and the hallway was soaked in this black/brown gunky water. Unbelievable.
Here, you can see some of the aftermath. The photo simply doesnt do it justice. Once they fixed the problem, the maintenance men left. My landlord (who showed up after the flooding) decided the mess was simply not his problem to deal with, so I called Peace Corps. On the phone, my landlord explained to Manuela that the mess really "wasn't that bad." He kept saying it was nothing....really, like it wasnt a big deal at all. I was so livid, I grabbed the phone and demanded help. Manuela agreed to let me take out a small bit of cash out of my upcoming rent to pay for the cleaning supplies (ie. mop, chemicals, etc.) When I told the landlord this, he was pissed. He threw an utter fit and started trying to half-ass clean up the mess. The photo above is after his attempt of cleaning. The photo from above is what he thought was a job well-done. In fact, when I tried to take photos, he would try to stand in front of my camera, while shoveling chucks of black matter UNDER MY WASHING MACHINE, like it was just going to disappear down there. Eventually, he agreed to leave, and I ended up spending 2-3 hours cleaning up my bathroom.
This morning, I woke up feeling really good about how clean my bathroom ended up becoming. I went to work, ready for the kids to participate in the National Spelling Bee qualifiers. Basically, in order for a kid to pass a qualifier, they must spell 10 English words correctly. So in each class, I had kids come up, one at a time, and try it out. The word list for the high school students is actually kind of tough!! I had SEVERAL kids who made it to their 8th or 9th word and then make a very small mistake and lose it all. I felt horrible for the kids who made it so close...I want to take them all with me to the Bee!! By the end of the day, I had two students successfully complete the challenge. I am hoping I will have more kids participate on Friday from different classes, although I'm not sure yet. I'm proud of all my students. I seriously had a lot of fun with all of them today!! Here are a few photos from the day : )
I personally like how it says "toilet business" on the board, even though that was not intentional. I also did not make this discovery until I uploaded the photos, and boy did I have a good giggle!! Anyways, this kid is one of the two who will be going to the National Spelling Bee to compete.
I think this is a great shot. Emilija took all the photos, and we are putting them on the Spelling Bee's site.
I like this one, because clearly something has made me laugh very hard.
Just a shot of one of my classes. This gives you an idea of what my classrooms look like.
One of my favorite classes. I just love them!!
Another class I adore!! The girl sitting beside me is the other student who will be competing.
Anywho, it was a really good day!! I also found time to visit with my Director for a hot minute this morning. I begged him to help me find a new place to live. Seeing as how we dont have the classified ads in papers here, nor do we have CraigsList, the only chance I have of finding a new home is through word of mouth. He's promised to do everything he can to help me, so let's keep our fingers crossed!! There's also been a lot of talk around school about the dance classes. The class from Monday apparently has been quite the topic of conversation, and a lot of girls have already inquired about when the next class will be held. Tomorrow starts the first dance class with the other shift of students, and Im feeling confident this class will be just as great as the first one!! Starting next week, I will also provide a night class for the teachers, as most of them are very interested. : D
Alright...that's all I've got for now. I'm hoping tomorrow will bring warmer temperatures, because today only brought more snow, and I'm really getting tired of the winter. I know all you guys in America are just living it up in your short-sleeve shirts, so you just hush! ; ) Ciao!!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Dance Class!! HOT DAMN!!
I had my first dance lesson yesterday, and it was AWESOME!!
I was seriously a bit nervous about how the class would turn out, but the second Emilija showed up in her workout clothes, I already felt a lot better!! She was super excited, and a lot of girls began to show up even 20 minutes early. We ended up beginning the class 5 minutes early, because I already had a huge crowd of ladies!! I was so pleased that I had such a good turn out....honestly, I wasnt sure how many would show up, but we had so many people we filled the room to the max!! I'm afraid some girls couldnt even participate, because there wasnt enough room.
I began the class with a simple warm-up. I even used the warm-up song we danced to in America, so I followed the same basic moves to get them stretched and ready to dance. I explained to them that all they had to do was follow me, and if they got confused on a step they just need to improvise. By the end of the first real dance song, I had a round of applause. I felt it was important to encourage the applause after every dance, in order to make everyone feel even better about their workout. The girls seriously kicked ass!! I was SO PROUD of everyone!! They all worked so hard, and they all kept up. After the first few songs, I asked if anyone needed a break, and they all shouted "NO!!" I gave them one after the next two though. :D
By the time we were taking our break, I observed how everyone was feeling. Everyone was talking about how good of a time they were having, and we had even managed to form a crowd of watchers who were simply curious. They'd never seen anything like it!! I even had one of the teachers downstairs with us for a majority of the class. What made me feel even better, was having everyone be so supportive of each other. Some of the girls giggled at some of the moves, but not in a negative way. They were having fun!! And sometimes, I noticed some girls having a hard time picking up a step, but they did what I said, and they improvised. Again, I cant tell you how proud and happy this made me.
By the end of the class, I turned on an Adele song that's really popular here. I cooled it down with some ballet, and then lead the last round of applause before thanking the ladies for joining me and doing so well. Emilija and Lilika came up to me with big smiles on their faces, and Emilija still wanted to dance more, haha. Everyone's faces were so red, we all looked like we had sunburns. I couldnt have been more pleased, and I dont think it could have been more successful. HOT DAMN!! :D
Today, I have a private lesson with some of the seniors for the Patron's Day event. I choreographed an awesome hip-hop piece that I'll begin teaching today. The girl I will be teaching came to class yesterday, so I know she will do a great job. Thursday will be the second day of Zumba classes, and that will be for the other shift of kids...so all new girls. I hope it goes as well as the first class. Then that night, I will be leading yet ANOTHER class, but this one will be for adults. Although having 3 Zumba classes a week, on top of having the 2 private classes a week, on top of teaching with Emilija, on top of running the Model UN, and on top of running the photo club is quite the load to handle, but it's making me feel excellent about my contribution to the school and the community. I already feel like I've achieved so much, and I can't say how proud I am.
Not to end things on a sour note or anything, but I STILL dont have any water at home. I'm getting really fed up with my apartment and my landlord. He acts like I'm stupid, and then he refuses to actually fix a damn thing. I am hoping today will fix everything, because it would be nice to flush my toilet, wash my clothes, or take a shower at home, rather then going to everyone else's house. So please, if you get bored today, take out a hot minute to send some positive thoughts my way, in the form of WATER. :D
Cheers!!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
2/26/12
Here's a video including events from the last couple of months....nothing too exciting, but you will see some of the people I am close with in it, as well as the Epiphany ceremony. If the sound doesnt work, I apologize : (
In other news, I had quite the eventful weekend. I feel like I say that in every single post...maybe I do, who knows...but I really did have a packed weekend!! Prior in the week, I was helping with the final touches with the dance studio. I'd been running around like a crazy woman, so I was looking forward to the weekend. I knew, however, that my weekend would not exactly be relaxing.
Saturday, I had to wake up at 4:45am to catch the bus into Skopje. By the time I got into Skopje, I was so tired!! 6 hours of sitting in meetings just about killed me, but I enjoyed working with the other volunteers. We were there to organize stuff for the Spelling Bee, and we ended up getting a lot done!! We got done by 4pm, and I rushed to catch the 4:30 bus back to Kocani. As soon as I got in, I hoped in a car with Emilija and her family. We were hoping to catch the end of the carnival in the city of Strumica.
Every year, this city celebrates this carnival, and it is a mixture of Halloween and Mardi Gras. Unfortunately, we missed the parades, but we were able to walk around the city for a while and observe everyone's costumes. Later, we visited with some of their friends, who were all dressed up like snakes. It was wild!! By midnight, Emilija and I were sleeping in the car as her husband ran around frantically trying to find one of their kids at a disco. By 1am, we were all sleeping in the car during the hour and a half ride home. At one point, I woke up to Emilija's daughter sleeping on me and Emilija sleeping on the other side of the car. We were all SO TIRED. Boy, it felt good when I got home that night!!
Sunday was a good day. I went over to Emilija's first thing in the morning. I havent had any water since Thursday (I know, it SUCKS), so she offered for me to take a shower at her house. Later, we ate some good food, sat around watching TV, talked about upcoming projects, etc. Suddenly, I got a call from my French friend, Arnaud (the one who has a Macedonian gf), and he was inviting me to come make tacos with them!! He's been asking me to make him tacos, since I always have his gf pick me up tortillas from her city, so I gladly accepted.
We ended up having 5 people joining in on the feast!! It was a blast!! We all sampled a couple of different good wines with our dinner, which was such a good way to relax. I showed them how to properly prepare the meat, salsa, and tacos. They LOVED the food!! We all ate so much food, it was just a perfect meal!! It's always wildly entertaining when I get together with him and his friends, because there are always 3 languages being spoken. We have English, Macedonian, and French going on, which I always find to be so funny. We always manage to communicate in some way or another, and I love them for that. Arnaud also has the best friends...I really enjoy the company he brings around. By the end of the night, we were enjoying some type of traditional drink from France made out of prunes and listening to Johnny Cash. Such a cultural experience, haha!!
Tomorrow starts the beginning of yet another busy week. I dont know how I will survive this week, but Im hoping that being busy will keep me sane, in a way. Tomorrow starts the beginning of my dance classes. Im actually really very nervous. Then on Tuesday, I have some private lessons for a hip-hop dance I've choreographed for our Patron's Day even coming up. Tuesday and Wednesday are also all-day classes for me. Thursday is more dance classes, along with more photo club. Then, this weekend, I may be going out of town yet again...we shall see.
Im feeling pretty good about things. Overall, Im always a little stressed, but in general I feel really good. Im hoping these dance classes will open up a door for me here and that the kids will enjoy and appreciate the classes as much as I will. I also plan on hopefully looking into finding a new apartment this week (shh!) : ) Alright....I need sleep. Sleep tight everyone!!
In other news, I had quite the eventful weekend. I feel like I say that in every single post...maybe I do, who knows...but I really did have a packed weekend!! Prior in the week, I was helping with the final touches with the dance studio. I'd been running around like a crazy woman, so I was looking forward to the weekend. I knew, however, that my weekend would not exactly be relaxing.
Saturday, I had to wake up at 4:45am to catch the bus into Skopje. By the time I got into Skopje, I was so tired!! 6 hours of sitting in meetings just about killed me, but I enjoyed working with the other volunteers. We were there to organize stuff for the Spelling Bee, and we ended up getting a lot done!! We got done by 4pm, and I rushed to catch the 4:30 bus back to Kocani. As soon as I got in, I hoped in a car with Emilija and her family. We were hoping to catch the end of the carnival in the city of Strumica.
Every year, this city celebrates this carnival, and it is a mixture of Halloween and Mardi Gras. Unfortunately, we missed the parades, but we were able to walk around the city for a while and observe everyone's costumes. Later, we visited with some of their friends, who were all dressed up like snakes. It was wild!! By midnight, Emilija and I were sleeping in the car as her husband ran around frantically trying to find one of their kids at a disco. By 1am, we were all sleeping in the car during the hour and a half ride home. At one point, I woke up to Emilija's daughter sleeping on me and Emilija sleeping on the other side of the car. We were all SO TIRED. Boy, it felt good when I got home that night!!
Sunday was a good day. I went over to Emilija's first thing in the morning. I havent had any water since Thursday (I know, it SUCKS), so she offered for me to take a shower at her house. Later, we ate some good food, sat around watching TV, talked about upcoming projects, etc. Suddenly, I got a call from my French friend, Arnaud (the one who has a Macedonian gf), and he was inviting me to come make tacos with them!! He's been asking me to make him tacos, since I always have his gf pick me up tortillas from her city, so I gladly accepted.
We ended up having 5 people joining in on the feast!! It was a blast!! We all sampled a couple of different good wines with our dinner, which was such a good way to relax. I showed them how to properly prepare the meat, salsa, and tacos. They LOVED the food!! We all ate so much food, it was just a perfect meal!! It's always wildly entertaining when I get together with him and his friends, because there are always 3 languages being spoken. We have English, Macedonian, and French going on, which I always find to be so funny. We always manage to communicate in some way or another, and I love them for that. Arnaud also has the best friends...I really enjoy the company he brings around. By the end of the night, we were enjoying some type of traditional drink from France made out of prunes and listening to Johnny Cash. Such a cultural experience, haha!!
Tomorrow starts the beginning of yet another busy week. I dont know how I will survive this week, but Im hoping that being busy will keep me sane, in a way. Tomorrow starts the beginning of my dance classes. Im actually really very nervous. Then on Tuesday, I have some private lessons for a hip-hop dance I've choreographed for our Patron's Day even coming up. Tuesday and Wednesday are also all-day classes for me. Thursday is more dance classes, along with more photo club. Then, this weekend, I may be going out of town yet again...we shall see.
Im feeling pretty good about things. Overall, Im always a little stressed, but in general I feel really good. Im hoping these dance classes will open up a door for me here and that the kids will enjoy and appreciate the classes as much as I will. I also plan on hopefully looking into finding a new apartment this week (shh!) : ) Alright....I need sleep. Sleep tight everyone!!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
A long overdue video
Below, you will find a video that is LONG overdue. I blame the delay on my lack of decent internet, up until today. To preface....Sara and Anna came into town the weekend after my friend at home passed away. Here, we discovered what happens when you want to wash you clothes, as well as an unexpected twist in the end. I hope you'll enjoy. :D
Monday, February 20, 2012
Bad days here suck
Man....I had an awful day yesterday. It all started with the weather.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE. You might be wondering why that upset me. I guess after living in the coldest winter known to man, waking up to 40 degree weather hit me like a brick. I instantly felt excited about being able to go outside. I thought "What do I want to do with my Sunday?" A list of things I can only do in America came to mind, making me instantly hysterical with homesickness. This is how my list began:
-Go to the dog park with Turtle
-Sit on the porch with my sister and the pups
-Invite friends over for "Sunday dinner" with Lauren
-Go to the farmer's market, and buy fresh veggies
-Get coffee with Aaron at Same and Zoe's
-Drive out and spend the day with my mom
-Play volleyball with Amanda, followed by Mexican food
-Drive somewhere, just to drive somewhere
-Etc, etc, etc...
So I cried. A lot. I havent had internet all week, but my phone occasionally picks up wireless, so I was able to get enough of a connection to call my sister at 6am her time. I told her about my frustrations for about a half an hour. Suddenly, Emilija called. She sounded so happy!! I killed her mood by crying to her as well. Thankfully, her mom instincts kicked in, and she was at my apartment within 10 minutes to rescue me.
It's really difficult for me to put my pride aside and admit when Im having a hard time. I also hesitate on telling people here, because Im afraid people will just think "OH, she's going to go home." The term "ET" here stands for "early termination." It is probably the most talked about subject among Peace Corps volunteers. People make bets on who will be the first or the next to go, and I hate feeling like I'm going to end up on someone's list one day. I don't even know why I care, but it adds to my refusal of wanting to talk to anyone about being homesick.
The thing is, I feel like I'm far more attached to my family back home than some people can understand. Some volunteers here are more independent from their families. Although I view myself as someone who is independent and strong, I have no shame admitting that I am deeply connected to my family and friends in America. Before coming here, I always spoke with my mom AT LEAST once a day. I saw her, my sister, and my grandmother frequently. My aunts and cousins also join in about once or twice a week for family dinners somewhere nice....not to mention, every holiday was another excuse for us to all get together over some good food and wine. I had a solid group of friends whom I saw regularly. My dog is the love of my life, and I planned everything in my life around spending time with her. I can't help but feel like I am missing out on so much by being here....like everything at home is changing drastically, and I'm missing all of it.
The thing is, I know I'm missing out on a lot. I know nothing will be the same when I get back. I also know I'm experiencing a lot by being here. I'm in love with my city, my counterpart, my school, and a select few individuals who have invested time in getting to know and support me. Some days, like yesterday, are far too overwhelming for me though. I often fight the urge to call my family, look at photos, of think about everything I miss. Then, some days, I cave.
When you are going through PC training, the admin people will often ask you how you will deal with being stressed, homesick, or depressed. Naturally, I answered honestly:
-I'll cook.
-I'll paint.
-I'll exercise.
-I'll find a new hobby.
What a volunteer is not aware of is the lack of resources for those activities. For instance, it's taken 5 months for me to find acrylic paint here. I just bought it last week while I was in Skopje. Yesterday, my first thought was to paint, however, I had no surface to paint on. Canvases don't exactly exist here, which leaves me with cardboard boxes or regular paper....not exactly fulfilling. So I decided to cook, which again provides a lack of resources. Although I must give myself credit for finding ways to cook a good meal here, on my bad days, I often want something familiar....like a casserole, yet they do not sell the required ingredients here. I cant even get fresh produce right now, other than apples, because of the winter. Even the cabbage here is turning brown. I then turn to exercising, which by the time I think about it, I cant even motivate myself. In America, I made myself go to the gym, but I dont have that option here. So instead, I find myself turning on a movie, which is exactly what PC told us not to do.
I know that the warmer days will be good for me. I know being outside is what I need. The dance studio should be final this week, which will provide the exercise I need. I also need to really get back into my other projects, like the animal facility. I know I'll have my bad days, and I know I'll have my good days. The purpose of this post is to vent without worrying what people will say, even if I end up on someone's ET list. I think it's important to be honest with yourself, especially through writing. Already, I feel MUCH better today.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE. You might be wondering why that upset me. I guess after living in the coldest winter known to man, waking up to 40 degree weather hit me like a brick. I instantly felt excited about being able to go outside. I thought "What do I want to do with my Sunday?" A list of things I can only do in America came to mind, making me instantly hysterical with homesickness. This is how my list began:
-Go to the dog park with Turtle
-Sit on the porch with my sister and the pups
-Invite friends over for "Sunday dinner" with Lauren
-Go to the farmer's market, and buy fresh veggies
-Get coffee with Aaron at Same and Zoe's
-Drive out and spend the day with my mom
-Play volleyball with Amanda, followed by Mexican food
-Drive somewhere, just to drive somewhere
-Etc, etc, etc...
So I cried. A lot. I havent had internet all week, but my phone occasionally picks up wireless, so I was able to get enough of a connection to call my sister at 6am her time. I told her about my frustrations for about a half an hour. Suddenly, Emilija called. She sounded so happy!! I killed her mood by crying to her as well. Thankfully, her mom instincts kicked in, and she was at my apartment within 10 minutes to rescue me.
It's really difficult for me to put my pride aside and admit when Im having a hard time. I also hesitate on telling people here, because Im afraid people will just think "OH, she's going to go home." The term "ET" here stands for "early termination." It is probably the most talked about subject among Peace Corps volunteers. People make bets on who will be the first or the next to go, and I hate feeling like I'm going to end up on someone's list one day. I don't even know why I care, but it adds to my refusal of wanting to talk to anyone about being homesick.
The thing is, I feel like I'm far more attached to my family back home than some people can understand. Some volunteers here are more independent from their families. Although I view myself as someone who is independent and strong, I have no shame admitting that I am deeply connected to my family and friends in America. Before coming here, I always spoke with my mom AT LEAST once a day. I saw her, my sister, and my grandmother frequently. My aunts and cousins also join in about once or twice a week for family dinners somewhere nice....not to mention, every holiday was another excuse for us to all get together over some good food and wine. I had a solid group of friends whom I saw regularly. My dog is the love of my life, and I planned everything in my life around spending time with her. I can't help but feel like I am missing out on so much by being here....like everything at home is changing drastically, and I'm missing all of it.
The thing is, I know I'm missing out on a lot. I know nothing will be the same when I get back. I also know I'm experiencing a lot by being here. I'm in love with my city, my counterpart, my school, and a select few individuals who have invested time in getting to know and support me. Some days, like yesterday, are far too overwhelming for me though. I often fight the urge to call my family, look at photos, of think about everything I miss. Then, some days, I cave.
When you are going through PC training, the admin people will often ask you how you will deal with being stressed, homesick, or depressed. Naturally, I answered honestly:
-I'll cook.
-I'll paint.
-I'll exercise.
-I'll find a new hobby.
What a volunteer is not aware of is the lack of resources for those activities. For instance, it's taken 5 months for me to find acrylic paint here. I just bought it last week while I was in Skopje. Yesterday, my first thought was to paint, however, I had no surface to paint on. Canvases don't exactly exist here, which leaves me with cardboard boxes or regular paper....not exactly fulfilling. So I decided to cook, which again provides a lack of resources. Although I must give myself credit for finding ways to cook a good meal here, on my bad days, I often want something familiar....like a casserole, yet they do not sell the required ingredients here. I cant even get fresh produce right now, other than apples, because of the winter. Even the cabbage here is turning brown. I then turn to exercising, which by the time I think about it, I cant even motivate myself. In America, I made myself go to the gym, but I dont have that option here. So instead, I find myself turning on a movie, which is exactly what PC told us not to do.
I know that the warmer days will be good for me. I know being outside is what I need. The dance studio should be final this week, which will provide the exercise I need. I also need to really get back into my other projects, like the animal facility. I know I'll have my bad days, and I know I'll have my good days. The purpose of this post is to vent without worrying what people will say, even if I end up on someone's ET list. I think it's important to be honest with yourself, especially through writing. Already, I feel MUCH better today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)