Here's a recent video....short, but to the point:
Soooo, I had my first official breakdown yesterday. It's kind of hard to explain really...it was a big combination of things. First, I've had a massive migraine. My host mother smokes nonstop, and the smoke really gets to me...so that was one factor. Then, there is the fact that I am in school all afternoon, trying my hardest to learn the language. Like I've mentioned, it is a bit frustrating, because I want so badly to be able to just come home and talk to my host family. Of course, I can't really. So my host mom insists that we study study study. I have moments where I can actually pick up on several words, and I have moments where I can't understand even the most basic of words.
So all that being said, I was enjoying a hefty lunch yesterday. I had 3 servings. My mother kept insisting I eat more. I kept saying "no more." Then, the smoking began again, so I went in the den to read. Reading has been a godsend here. It is the best source for me to relieve some stress. Well my mother followed me into the den, sat down beside me, still smoking, and then insisted we practice language. I just started crying. I got up and went into my room. I started to hyperventilate a bit, so I called my language instructor to ask for help.
Long story short, my host mom was freaking out that I was upset. She called everyone she knew to call in the PC, and told them all she thought she'd done something wrong. This made me feel worse. We did get the problem resolved though. I explained to my LCF and homestay advisor that I was homesick, had a headache, and was frustrated with learning so much and not feeling like I can retain it all. They told my family to give me some space to read, so they did. : )
By that evening, I'd rested in my room for an hour, along (which isnt common). I then hung out with my parents in the dark (more storms, no power at all...all night), and then we proceeded to play a Macedonian card game, which REALLY helped me feel better. Being alone in my room was helpful, but playing the card game with them really did the trick, because I didnt want to feel like I was isolating myself.
Today, I found out that a few of the volunteers also had stressful nights, and we all kinda promised to be each other's savior, no matter what. We are all really becoming as close as family. Having them has made this entire adventure even more rewarding. I want you all the know that I AM OKAY. : ) I knew I'd have some moments where it would all hit, but I am happy that I am here of all places. Lozovo is such a fantastic place.
Miss you all!! Send more emails!!!!